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More media coverage than any other agency, including 60 Minutes, TIME, The Washington Post, The New York Times, MTV, Discovery Channel, and the full-length Motion Picture, Two Brothers and a Bride, A Foreign Affair (AFA).

But for the sake of weeding out potential applicants before the dreaded “first date,” I have decided to list some of my more bizarre requirements below. A lot of couples wear the other’s underwear in public.

If you find that you still have an interest in dating me (although I anticipate it will be very few people), please alert me via email or another form of electronic communication. It creates a sense of closeness, a guarded secret that only we share together. Using your hands to fix things I don’t know how to use wrenches or sockets or whatever. If you find that the sink is leaky, I will gladly insert a popcorn bowl (no popcorn allowed in the house, though) under the leak and wait for you to use your tools to fix it.

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One woman refused to give back her copy and threatened to “put it on Tumblr,” but she recently moved to Arkansas and, I hope, forgot about our relationship and the document.

You’ll find that most of them are basic requirements of domestic companionships.I’ll respond with, “Don’t do this to me, Lowenstein,” before we escalate the scene into a fervor of improvisation. A dating site that not only understands what it is to be over 50, but also celebrates this exciting chapter of our lives.The result was unfortunately not another relationship, but rather a complex list that I created for potential partners down the line.This list (book, really) will seek to narrow down the search, address pertinent red flags and deal breakers, and (most importantly) serve as a sort of brochure to the tourist attraction that is my companionship.Handwritten letters addressed to the offices are also accepted, but please include no “living matter” such as fingernail clippings, rodents or hair samples. Must enjoy binge watching “Antiques Roadshow”Following the blissful, puppy love stage of our courtship will be the sexless lull that may last for several weeks until I decide to cut you from my life or remain emotionally distant until someone more interesting comes along. Of course, the underwear will be cleaned before and after the exchange. If you are a person who doesn’t wear underwear, I don’t think we can be together. Kitty adoption policy As noted briefly above, I expect a potential partner to not only be in a physical/emotional relationship with me, but also with the cats I plan to adopt someday. But I need you to not be alarmed when I talk about my potential cats incessantly. I will hang a shower curtain or sweep up a floor, but general maintenance of all appliances (tub, sink, rice cooker, furniture) is on your shoulders.

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