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Maybe in the same way Larry Craig is straight, your friend is asexual—or, hey, maybe she's asexual in the "gray-a" sense, i.e., under certain circumstances (awake, aware, conscious, alert, sentient), she experiences sexual attraction.

Or maybe she's not a gray-a who identifies as ace but an actual asexual who is having sex for "other reasons." A person doesn't have to be celibate to be asexual or to identify as asexual, ACE, and until there's an asexual accreditation agency—which there never will be and never should be—we'll just have to take your friend's word for it.

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But even if it sounds to you (and me) like your friend's label is suspect, you should nevertheless hold your tongue and allow her to identify however she likes.

Ask questions, sure, but challenging her label will only damage your relationship (or further damage it) and make you feel like a closeted, gatekeeping ace.

And if you find yourself getting annoyed when your ace-identified friend starts in on how she doesn't really "need" all the sex she's having, ACE, do what I used to do when I had to listen to guys I knew for a fact were having tons of gay sex (because they were having it with me) go on and on about how they didn't really "need" cock: smile, nod, roll 'em over, and fuck 'em in the ass again.

(Feel free to swap "change the subject" for "roll 'em over" and "leave the room" for "fuck 'em in the ass.") Settle a dispute between friends?

But just as asexuality is a thing, ACE, so too is bullshit.

Denial is a thing, and sex shame is an incredibly destructive thing.

Actually Coitus Evading Asexuality—it's a real thing. Brotto has extensively studied asexuality, and the data supports the conclusion that asexuality is a sexual orientation on par with heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality.

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