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Plus: Director’s Cut, Wizard Wars, and the guy that went to jail for killing a rat.Penn recaps the week on Director’s Cut and how much he hates running and likes kissing.Penn talks about hosting a event in LA and hanging with Tom Jones, Natasha Bedingfield, Mel Gibson, Sly Stalone, and Kiss. Penn addresses book and movie rumors about Amazing Randi.

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Penn discovers that making movies and making friends are not mutually exclusive.

Penn reveals his dad’s early showbiz advice and returns the favor when he meets a young 9 year magic genius, Alex Newberg backstage at the Rio.

Woody has questions for Penn & more tricks for you to try at home, or at work, or at the gym, but definitely not while driving to work, unless it’s a fully autonomous car & you aren’t subject to laws requiring your hands on the steering wheel regardless. We continue our holiday tradition of welcoming Piff the Magic Dragon & his Piffmas Pifftacular.

The trappings of success: caloric surplus, fake coffee, a new weight system, disproportionate candy, & difficult ad copy.

Penn also addresses the Chicago time capsule that wasn’t.

Penn & the crew discuss the November 13 terrorist attacks in France, then talk to the Desert Bus For Hope charity at Fuhrman’s facts, & Penn runs out of gas in his electric car. Phil Robertson defends atheism accidentally; Indiana revives the gay cake argument for free speech; Penn’s New York Times article about electing an atheist president; & a congregation member loses his job for listening to Penn’s Sunday School.

Penn interviews and catches up with his oddly close old friend LOD.

Penn, Matt talk with Dustin about his recent gig in China and surviving life there as a round eye.

Penn & the gang try to reconcile terms for transgender people. Penn talks about the behind the scenes of P&T going to Broadway for 8 shows a week with The Mike Jones Duo, Mike Jones’s days playing with Aerosmith, Matt Donnelly on a scam casting encounter, & Michael Goudeau on walking a rare pygmy elephant on foot from Vegas to Broadway…maybe.

Penn talks about meeting Martha Stewart, Steven Pinker, & Nolan Bushnell, & our diet guru Ray talks about his 21 day water fast & his Kickstarter campaign for “Our Broken Plate.” Atheist Woodstock is happening around the Slammer. ” Penn pays tribute to David Letterman, BB King, & discusses Jeopardy & the Boston Bomber death sentence. Our pal Mac King fills in for Goudeau & discusses his guiding principles for choosing which college to attend. We know there’s an annoying sound during the recording; sorry. The New York Times publishes an article with Hand Job in it.

Penn teaches Dustin and Matt how to speak in present tense for reality shows, discusses whether Johnny Depp can wrestle 10 turkeys to death, Bacon and Doughnuts, the amazing Pilobolus “dance” show in NYC, and can a turtle tell a great joke?

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