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They gave me what they called a "safe-word," but I was so confused and worried about my body that I couldn't remember the word.
Looking back, I think the real reason they told me to say that word was to anger the men and make the scene more intense for their website.
One of the producers starting revealing my real name online, because he knew if people from my town or my school found out what I did, they would buy a subscription to the website just to see it for themselves.
I carry a life sentence, while he has never been punished, because -- like a lot of victims of rape and sexual abuse -- I have never reported it to the police.
I had an abusive childhood that led to abusive adult relationships, so when I met X I was already vulnerable and had been conditioned to please.
And I must warn you, it contains graphic sexual violence.
It's hard to find the words to describe the psychological and physical pain I was put through by the man I had a three-year relationship with who was -- and probably still is -- a porn addict.I'm from Ohio, where it's difficult for a girl in high school to find a good-paying job.Only a few days after I turned 18, I contacted as many porn producers as I could, looking for work.He previously confessed to watching porn while I was in the same room right next to him.He would verbally abuse me and call me fat, but it wasn't in the way one thinks.I asked him about the porn and if there was something I wasn't doing for him that he desired, and he could never answer me with anything but, "It's just a visual thing." That guys like to see a lot of girls naked and that's just how they are built. In fact it just got worse, and he became unable to be pleased.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating