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Rejections also damage our mood and our self-esteem, they elicit swells of anger and aggression, and they destabilize our need to “belong.” Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted.
Note: This article covers rejection in a dating context. People are notoriously vague and indirect when they reject you.
If you get a text message that says “Sorry, I’m just not into this right now.” it could mean “I despise every cell in your hideous body.” or it could mean “I like you, but I like Bradly more.” And you have no way of knowing which it is.
This is a weird example, but about half way through writing my first book I suddenly realized that I had stopped flipping out when I got a pimple. Grow from your last rejection, improve yourself, and pick a person that you have more in common with for your next first date — all of that will drastically increase your odds of success. Posted in Articles | 14 Comments » Mike handles all of the programming and design work for
Making tangible progress on goals that matter to you will help you define yourself by something other than your appearance and others will pick up on that confidence. Although he still writes the occasional article, he spends most of his time these days creating new site features and keeping everything organized.
Instead, be smart about where you look for potential dates. Meetup isn’t touted as a way to meet new dates, but it damn well should be.
Go out and find groups of people amassed around activities that are close to your core values. This will make you feel better, and also help you factor-out things that didn’t contribute to the eventual rejection. I mean, it’s not like you were dumped after a long-term relationship. Put yourself in the same room as them and act like it’s not a big deal.It didn’t work, and now your primary goal should be establishing some sort of civility so you don’t feel weird at parties together. Basically, do all the things you’re avoiding doing.” And those two questions often have two drastically different answers. When somebody dislikes you, it’s tempting to protect your self esteem: You don’t want to know what they’re thinking, because what they’re thinking would probably hurt you if you knew it. Most of the time, their actual reason is something you either don’t want to change (e.g., your values or life priorities) or something you can work on (e.g., coming across as self-absorbed). Consequently, the most awkward part about getting rejected by somebody is that you have to see them again whenever your mutual friends throw a party.If they agreed to go on a date with you, then they were at least somewhat attracted to you. But how do you determine their actual reasons if they won’t give you a straight answer? When did their body language become more dismissive? When you’re forced to be in the same vicinity as your rejector, your first impulse will be to completely avoid them, which will mesh well with their own desire to avoid you. Don’t run the other direction when you see them coming.It will quickly break the tension in the air, and allow you both to enjoy the party. Even if you get rejected over something you can’t control, improving something else that you’re insecure about will make you more confident, and will help you face the next romantic challenge with better odds of success.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating