Dating a widow with young children
Our dates were wonderful, light relief, full of laughter and joy—a welcome contrast to being a widow, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, and bereaved friend. He was keen to learn more about me, yet I was reluctant to let him see the grief and related emotions that I was feeling day to day. It would help me to explore my emotions and understand my actions.
Abel is far from the only author tackling this subject: in addition to his two books, Dating a Widower and Marrying a Widower, there is Julie Donner Anderson's Past: Perfect! and that knowing how few men under 55 are widowed compared to women (at one time Social Security told me it was 1 man to 7 women) makes me quite skeptical...
but some of the stories Abel and his readers share are pretty dreadful.
This is a giant set of exceptions that negates, for me, a lot of Abel's advice.
To be honest I have been pretty suspicious of these areas in part because when I was dating, at 40 ... To me, the only relevant person to compare a widower's baggage to was... (I mostly restricted my searches to men who had been parents, because I had a young child and needed someone who'd understand that if I cancelled a date due to flu that he shouldn't take it personally... prejudices which had been confirmed by experience.).
Both widowed and divorced men should be able to talk about people in their past without cartoonish characterizations. Okay that is pretty weird, but isn't it a question of theology, like, are you healed when you get to heaven? (I only managed to find one widower when I was dating.
It didn't go well, but it had nothing to do with his loss.) So I tend to wonder, why is there no comparable community (and books) for those dating widowed WOMEN,given that they are 7/8ths of the widowed population?
I do not doubt that many women DO ask these questions and that people are confronting some difficult situations with this "baggage." But emotionally unavailable men come in many flavors. I married a divorced man and we spend more time dealing with his feelings about his 23-year marriage disintegrating and their divorce than we do with Gavin almost literally disintegrating before my eyes and his death. (Plus we live in their house but dude, I KNOW that's weird, and it was equally my choice.) People "compare" me to Mr.
And it seems too easy to me to provide advice to women who are dating... What makes widowed men so much more "difficult" to deal with than, say, divorced men? (Although the score does even out a bit if you start counting the time I spend on managing his posthumous career as an artist and the fact that I spend tons of time on volunteer work for widowed people like Widowed Village and the Soaring Spirits board. Fresh's first wife all the time, and they compare him to Gavin all the time, but kindly, and without excessive characterization. As stated in many examples above, divorced men do not tend to have fond memories of their ex-wives.
Ten years ago, I was committed to my marriage and to creating a family.
I never imagined that in my early 40s I would be dating as a widow with two young children under five years of age. I learnt that for it to work, I needed to show up to each date with courage and an open heart. In the first few years after he died, I had opportunities to date but I knew I was not ready.
It was time to allow more chinks in the armour protecting my heart.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating