Advice on dating for guys

Linehan (1993) developed a treatment approach for BPD called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

It’s a combination of Eastern Mindfulness Training and Western Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

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The film Fatal Attraction (quite an excellent performance by Glenn Close) and the recent court case of Jodi Arias come to mind.

What do all the films and print stories have in common? Dating a person with BPD is not part of your deal – or so you thought.

The individual with BPD does not have an inner center; she does not know who she is.

She tries to gauge her self-image at any given situation by interpreting the expressions of others (kind of the blind leading the blind giving her over-sensibility). Hopefully, this evokes some compassion – imagine how scary when you are just drifting at the mercy of what you believe others may do or think.

“One day I’m her king the next moment I am no good.

There is simply no consistency.” My view: “Nice summary – exactly! ” An individual with BPD has a frantic fear of abandonment – which doesn’t help the relationship.The repertoire generally includes parasuicidal gestures – none life-threatening surface wrist, ankle and upper thigh cutting – or suicide threats that scare a person who never dealt with somebody who is unable to regulate her emotions. How can I fix it.” Well the answer is easy, “You can’t fix it!These behaviors are sometimes perceived as manipulative: To get attention and one’s needs met – “I need you here; you can’t leave; I show you why.” Scared and emotionally drained partners generally seek advice on how to get out; others are still confused about their partner’s behavior. ” When the partner with BPD travels the roller-coaster of emotions (it’s a habit and due to the lack of coping skills not because it feels good) the healthier partner feels overwhelmed and describes his situation as being “stuck between a rock and a hard place;” feeling bad and responsible hence unable to leave her, he states his partner gets “incredibly angry and sometimes physically and verbally abusive.” What follows is a pattern of submissive, self-loathing behaviors.As Marsha Linehan (1993), one of the foremost researchers in the treatment of BPD proclaims in her book Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder over 70% of patients with BPD present with histories of childhood sexual abuse.Even when this is not the case, the pairing of a child with a difficult temperament (a child that is fussy and easily excitable by nature and difficult to soothe) paired with unreceptive, stressed out, or normative parents contributes towards the maintenance and further development of a difficult personality; lashing out, suicidal gestures, and self-depreciation become the hallmark of the individual with BPD.Her heightened sense of emotions and difficulty to soothe herself leads to major drama even when a partner is willing to stay and work with her to overcome the challenges.

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